I Know

“I Know” is a phrase on which most of our thoughts are built. Imagine the conversation you have in your mind. It all surfaces with the belief “I know”. We build our life, our relationships, our future, our goals everything on this one phrase, “I Know”. It is a belief which makes us stop looking through this because it makes everything translucent while the expectation is to remain transparent. “I know” is like the red glasses worn in the movie “Mr India”. We can only see through that even what is right infront of us, but what we see is all red and never the actual reality. What does this mean to our relationships? Where is my perception heading? How did “Mr India”, a movie most of us in my generation loved watching growing up come into this thought. Can everything play its role in moulding our perspective? I know it’s strange how perceptions can change perspective.

Parents believe “I know what is right for my kid”, kids believe “I know what my parents think about me”, partners believe “I know what my spouse wants”, siblings believe “I know what my sister/brother is up to”. Teachers say, “I know why you did not do your homework”. Every one of us always start our thoughts with this belief that “I Know” about others and everything else in my life. Have you thought about the contrary too? While we all think we know about others in our life, we also think others don’t know about us. How does that work?

Parents think my kid doesn’t know what is good for him, kids think my parents never understood me, partners think my spouse never asked me what I want, students think teachers have no clue what is happening within me.

Every “I know” has an equally opposite thought of “You Don’t Know”. Our entire life is juggling between “I know, you don’t and you know, I don’t. Our arguments start because our thought flows through the filter of “I know”. We can have conversations instead if we plan to skip this filter.

As a kid, I remember going to my neighbor’s house to spend time with my friend. My mother’s instruction was to come home before its dark. From her point of view she knew she gave clear instructions. But I was playing inside and never realized what time was it. When I did, I ran back home. She did not open the door because I did not obey her instruction which she was doing only to build discipline in her young daughter. It was always “I know what is right for you”. I never repeated that behavior again, so it proved her action was right in inculcating discipline in me. I never went to anyone’s house alone after that. I was always accompanied by my mother if I had to visit any place.

When the incident took place, I was too small to justify myself. I only know that I was punished for not obeying what my mother instructed me. When I think about it now, if she told me come home before it gets dark, a kid might be waiting for it to become dark. I was inside my friend’s house with lights on. In my defence, it was not dark. The moment I looked outside, I realized, it was late and I returned. So, from where I stand I don’t believe that the thoughts my mother has about she knows what is best for me never felt accurate.

Every individual’s personality has its foundation laid in childhood. We believe what we see around us. We listen every adult in our life advising us about right and wrong, good and bad.  Everyone talks to us with the intention that they know what they are doing is right. Even a stranger on the road believes he is right when he things one of the driver in a random car is driving badly. We start our thoughts with “I know he might be a learner; I know cab drivers are always rash in their driving” etc.

We have become so good in advising everyone else that we forget it is coming back to us with exponential speed as it goes from us. When I speak to 10 people and tell them, “I know: what happened, what you are going through, what you should do, how should you handle the situation etc.”, it is one outlet from me to 10 different inlets in different people. Now imagine the reverse: 10 different people advising me back during my conversation with them. It is 10 streams of “I know” coming into 1 single brain of mine. This is why we stop sharing. This is why our relationships become shallow. In order to avoid “I knows” from everyone else, we restrict our emotions and feelings to stay within us. Within our mind’s conversation, we know what everyone’s “I know” is for us.

What once started with a belief to do good slowly grows to become attitude and arrogance. Recently I told my daughter, “I know we as parents can guide you in your life because that’s been our job and we believe we are good at it but do you need our guidance?” She gave me a blank look and said nothing. As a child she never knew that she had to ask for guidance because it was freely available at all times. As she is becoming an adult, unlearning this habit is crucial. Kids don’t have a choice about following adult’s instructions. They must do as they are told to and if they don’t, it is considered as disrespect. One thing what happened with this conditioning is we never outgrew this. Our relationships don’t age. They are always what we name them and not what they grow into.

“I know” is that lock to the key of development of all relationships in our life which we never learnt when to keep it locked and when to unlock it.

I know what is good for you, BUT from my point of view.
I know what is right for you BUT from where I stand.
I know what the best decision for you is BUT from my experience.
Change your conversations to let’s see what you think for yourself, what you want for your life, what you want in your relationship. This is the key which we need to unlock so the relationship grows with age and attitude of knowing everything never overpowers the gratitude which should become the foundation for your relationship.

When in the movie Mr India, hero received the watch he was happy that he could become invisible while he still stayed there. No one felt his presence while he experienced everything like any normal person, except he was visible in red light. Our every thought about others which follows “I know” is like the view from red light, though it is real, it doesn’t feel the same. We speak through our thoughts, we guide from our judgement, we grow from our experiences. When relationships are filled with “I know” we become “Mr India” of our own story. People can see us through that red light while we can still see them normally. We disappear even when we stay right there. I may know few things, but I will never know everything. Every relationship can survive the test of time if we know when to say “I know” and when to list to what they know.

Are you Mr India in your relationship? May be sometimes we all are.