Touch-Me-Not

One of the most treasured and valued possession in every individual is their EGO. My title might not trigger any connection to what the content is. But have you closely observed the plant of Touch-me-not? Every individual is like this plant. We all have those sharp thorns in our personality which is hidden behind a polished demeanor of the leaves. When we see the wild grown Touch-me-not, it spreads without any nurturing, looks green, widespread leaves, fruits and flowers. We humans are just like that, we grow, nurture ourselves even when no one does, have family, friends, a pleasant persona when left to be ourselves. Touch one leaf of touch-me-not, it just folds itself. But once folded, we can see all the thorns underlying that leaf and after this act, we cannot go near that branch until the leaf opens itself again. Now picture your ego with the same perception. Your every act will get a new perspective just by this one randomly grown plant in our neighborhood: Touch-Me-Not.

We had many generations of men and women in our life who survived on Ego and named it Pride. It was justified to have ego if you had financial and social status to own and nurture it. Men displayed and thrived on it everywhere and women owned it but could showcase occasionally. Over time when meaning of relationship evolved to become more emotional than transactional, our very own ego started doing more harm and damage which we failed to understand.

The MAN of the house, Head of the Family, Bread Winner, all these phrases served as food for ego. During my childhood days, I could ask anything I want with my mother but when it came to my father, me and my mother could only listen and obey. We had no conversations. It used to be one way communication because when we talk, if something felt not right to him, it triggered his anger which we always think hurt his ego and so the safest way of maintaining harmony in life was to listen, accept and follow everything told. No questions asked. This has been our culture. Man is always superior in marriage. When I asked my mother why was that we can’t do what we want and have to always obey daddy? The only answer I got was, he earns for us and takes care of all our needs, so this is the reward which we can give him. We did everything he wanted because he was the head of the family. We feared to touch that sensitive spot of ego within him because it was loud and clear that we never wanted to be hurt when we knew it was written in bold: “Touch-Me-Not”.

Over the years our society started empowering women, and marriage became a relationship of equals. Both contributed towards the family equally in terms of financial contribution. If I told my mother that just because you are not doing a job and not getting monthly salary, your contribution to the family is nothing less, this will never get registered with her because we are taught so well that one who pays is always the BOSS. So now when both the partners are earning, how do we establish the territory of the Boss in the house? Relationship becomes like a field of Touch-Me-Not and anytime you walk in there you are bound to step on it and be hurt. It looks pretty only if you stay away and watch it from a distance. We nurture our ego so much that we feel that it is our personality, and it gives us an identity which upholds our self-esteem.

A plant can grow when it gets enough water and sunlight, so does our ego grows when it is cherished, valued and sometimes even feared about. Instead of making our mind a field of touch-me-not which is further filled with mines, lets change the perception of ego. Imagine EGO to be an inflated balloon. Ego associates our emotion with pride. While ego can be harmful like the thorn, pride can be a pleasant feel-good factor like a balloon. There is always a scope for the balloon to burst but it also accompanies playfulness and celebration. There is fun factor associated with balloon which when handled with care can be the x-factor of the relationship.

Ego with Arrogance
Ego with Pride
Ego with Agility
Ego with Passion
All are part of our life. We can never have good without bad. They are what keeps us grounded. Our ability to nurture the good and control the bad is what changes the perception of Ego to Pride. Being proud makes us value our values. Being egoistic makes us harness our good and harvest the bad.

When we say, “I know what to do”, we show confidence, but when we say “You don’t have to tell me what to do”, we show arrogance. Confidence and arrogance can make or break a relationship. The support we give our partner builds confidence and inculcates a sense of pride which grows with respect and communication. Arrogance build distance and avoids conversation. We feel like never going to that maze of touch-me-not where there is always fear of pain and being trapped and lost in our own journey. Love is not something which looks beautiful from outside. It is something which makes our life meaningful from the inside and exemplifies the beauty from outside.  When you ignore the pain caused by your partner’s ego, you are not nurturing love nor your relationship. You are then building that mansion with touch-me-not which captures you from within. If you stay out, you can never enter and if you stay inside, you can never come out. Misguided emotions can change the story of any relationship. Always understand how much can a touch-me-not handle and how close can you go towards it. It is the equal responsibility of both involved to state the distance and maintain the distance.

Pleasure and Pressure can easily trade places if we fail to see the emotions shifting in a relationship.  Even ego can look beautiful when in limit and even pride can become ugly when left out of control just like how touch-me-not looks nice when leaves are spread wide, and a balloon bursting can hurt our ears if we don’t know when to stop blowing into it.

Build a personality with emotion and build your relationship with that personality which values emotions. Relationships are cherished with every touch and every distance. There is always a value in every touch and respect in every touch-me-not which we should never ignore. Touch and Touch-Me-Not are two sides of the same coin called relationship. Adding new perspective to every perception adds life to every emotion which then builds life of all our relationships.