What Will They Think

Decision Making – What is it? Is it a skill, art, personality trait, capacity, ability, strength, power or all the above? What is needed to take a decision in any situation? There may not be one word answer for this question when you think about it, but the most important thing needed to take a decision is “Willingness”.  All your other thoughts follow this one word. But most of us follow a different path when we have to take a decision and that is “what will they think”. Our thoughts are usually based on this foundation and so it can always be shaky because “their thinking” is like a domino. It is dependent on what is happening around and can anytime have that domino effect on your decision.

We learn and we teach what is good, what is bad, what is right and what is wrong. This is the foundation of our values. The building we build on this foundation requires a lot of other materials to make it look beautiful and attractive. The more we focus on beautification, the less we value reliability and durability. This is when we start using more of “what will they think” and forget “what do we need” or “what do we want”.

Few years ago, my father told me: “when I retire, I would like to be known as whose father I am and at that time if you don’t have an identity of your own, then you would have failed me”. The thoughts here always lingered around what will they think according to me even though the foundation was laid on right and wrong. We are brought up in an environment where we believe what society thinks matters a lot to our parents than what we actually are. It might be partially right because of the structured wiring we all have. His statement also made me think the same but accepting that, ignoring it and countering the thoughts which came with that was all within me because such was my relationship with my father. It might have been what will they think to him but for me it was what will he think because there are certain relationships in our life whose thoughts does matter because they teach us what is right and wrong.

We buy branded clothes because they make a statement when we wear and there is a level of comfort we feel in it. In recent times we are focusing on converting humans into brands too. Brands are built to gain popularity and increase profitability. But human beings are living to spread humanity and gain the ability to  show empathy and compassion. When we focus on becoming brands, we lose the ability to see inwards because the whole process here is to present ourselves in a way which the world will like.

Someone once told me parenting is not a popularity contest but still when we meet a child, one or the other adult will ask who is your favorite: Mumma or Dadda? Or whom does your child like: you or your spouse? This feels normal because it is common. The more we feel normal about everything which is common is when we start accepting what others think as normal. It is not possible to completely ignore what other people think because we live in a society where our surroundings matter to us. We want love, care, respect and acceptance. But we don’t know where to draw that line and where to stop worrying about what they will think. Over a period of time, we design our life and also our whole family’s life around the fact that “what will they think” and this is a dangerous thought because then “we” start to go missing in our very own life.

We don’t start our life in this path but at every phase we see a direction pointing towards that. As a kid, that special shoes which has light, a glass heal, a dress from a special place, a unique looking clip, an eraser which looks different from rest of the class, a special pencil box, a label which makes your book stand out from rest, a water bottle, a school bag every little thing we use has a story to narrate. We see all this with others too and start expecting more than what we have, not always because we like it, and it is better than what we have but because they make a statement which we admire. Admiration is good when the reason behind it is right. But when we use that to build a brand for ourselves, then we are more inclined towards what others are thinking than what we actually are.

As parents, we believe our primary responsibility is to protect our kids and ensure they are happy always. This basic motto itself ruins the relationship. I believe the primary responsibility of a parent is to support our kids and ensure they see what they want from life and choose the path to reach that goal truthfully while they continue to become a humble, compassionate and graceful human being who has the ability to differentiate between right and wrong no matter what age they are in. When we focus on this, we have a lot of work to do and then our focus on what will they think starts to reduce.

Our social status speaks for us, but our false prestige makes a lot of noise.
Our attitude speaks for us, but our arrogance makes a lot of noise.
Our humility speaks for us, but our ego makes a lot of noise.
All of these attributes are always in conversation with the fact that what will they think but it is within our capacity when to turn this conversation into discussion or argument within ourselves.

When we build our house, interior designing is done from the inside just like the name suggests. Exterior is elevated only to an extent which is required. All what we need to make our living comfortable is what goes inside the house. Lot of people who matter to us, our family and friends give suggestions which are accepted, ignore or countered depending on how it impacts our thoughts and on how we will live in that house. Our life is just the same. Accept, ignore and counter suggestions which people share with you but always have a firm decision-making ability and willingness to shape your life the way you want. Always remember, it is not what others say that matters the most, it is how you perceive and what you do about it defines your next step in life.

What will they think might play a role in your decision but that should never play the key role in your life.
What will they think might influence your decision but that should never be the intention of every decision in your life.
What will they think will always be part of our life, but it should never become your way of living.