Jigsaw Puzzle

Have you tried solving a jigsaw puzzle? First step in solving this is to identify those corner pieces of the puzzle. The shape speaks for itself, and we know that these corner pieces do not fit anywhere else in the picture. Rest of the pieces always confuse us because each piece feels like it can fit with the other. But as we progress we realise though  they all look alike, each one has its specific place in that picture and no matter where you try to fit them they speak for themselves and tell us, this is not my right place. Doesn’t this sound just like we humans and our life? My perception of looking at jigsaw puzzle in a way which related to your very identity and the struggles of life might give you a perspective to view how we treat our individuality and our relationships.

We have come a long way in life from the time of telegraph to landline to mobile. Technology has evolved in every field of life, and this might have increased the pressure on God too :). So he has to be innovative about the problems we face in life. Parents are so focused in ensuring their child never faces any problem in life, they forget to prepare their children to face life. We are not giving opportunity to anyone to evolve and so everyone is trying to “Fit In”. We see ourselves as a universal jigsaw puzzle piece and try to fit in at every space we find.

In the world of instant gratification, we have forgotten to even believe that there was delayed gratification, and it is much more rewarding because 2minutes instant noodles might be tasty but when we are forces to survive only on that, that is when we realise the value of cooking and food. Have you ever seen a 5-seater car filled with 7 to 8 people in it? I have seen and even been in such cars. Its an experience to remember. The first step is to make sure everyone fits in so we can close the car doors. Our current times are focusing only on this first step, but the next step is the most important thing which teaches us a lot about life. You might be wondering what am I saying? After the car door is closed, you just drive to the destination. But things are never that simple. The next step is what we all have to learn, teach and embrace: “how to adjust in that space and make sure everyone in that car including yourself is comfortable”. Only then that fitting in becomes a memory to cherish with smile.

Adjustment in life is associated with something which alters our being and most of the time, we don’t want to adjust, and we fail to teach our kids also to adjust because we tend to remember some bad experiences from childhood where we had to lose something we love because our parents forced us to adjust. Lack of communication in every relationship starting with parenting makes us misunderstand some of the most valuable life lessons, values and attributes which makes our life beautiful and comfortable at every stage.

Bullying, raging, showing authority, portraying a powerful persona, are all considered being “COOL”. Our generation as adults and our younger generation are striving to be “cool” rather than “humane”, because being respectful, obedient, kind, loveable, compassionate etc. are all old school behaviours and we don’t “fit in” in the new jigsaw puzzle we are converting the world into. Here the goal is to “fit in” because only then you are “cool” no matter the picture which forms belongs to you or not, no matter you belong to the picture or not.

Marriages don’t exist for long because “why should only I adjust?” Marriages don’t even start because, “I cant adjust so much. We have nothing in common”. Kids are becoming bullies because there is so much peer pressure to be accepted into the jigsaw puzzle. Professional places are becoming so authoritative because “what if I try to adjust I lose power and people take me for granted”.

When I was a kid, me and my cousin always loved to sit together in the front seat of the car or in one chair. Not because there was no space, because we could be closer to each other and talk. We made space for each other and checked if both were comfortable. Even as adults, sometimes we love to share that chair when there are house full of people, because the joy in that whispering conversation comes because we love to adjust to each other’s comfort. We don’t try to fit in to each other’s world. She has her world and I have mine. Not everywhere I fit in and nor does she. We respect that and embrace it. We started this adjustment for our own personal gain and so it came naturally. But when the same happens with an external force like when your parents come and say: “there will be guests at home and you have to share your room”, or when your spouse says: “I don’t like travelling, what a waste of money” or when your elders say: “I don’t like your outfit, be mindful of what you wear” and so on, we are all trying to change each other to “fit in” to our world.

Kids always feel elders only give them orders and they must follow. But when you say you have to share your room, the kid might hear it as “give your room away. This is my house, so I get to decide when you can use your room and when you have to step out”. When you start a conversation with kids by sharing the plans of guest visit and explain the adjustments you as adults do, they understand the value of it and feel one among you and decide for themselves of sharing and caring leading to them learning the value of adjustment. Anything spoken with authority always feels like a command and we always see command as a punishment rather than acceptance with love.

When we look for partner, we try to map our likes and dislikes. This is the culture in current times. A decade back, we got married and then discovered what are the likes and dislikes which matched. We all try to fit that person into our jigsaw puzzle where everything is what we made and hence we never find a perfect match. When we communicate with each other, we learn about each other which helps us explore the path of adjustment leading to that comfort zone where both can rely on each other as their safety net. Adjustment is not a weakness. Knowing how, where, when and how much to adjust is a talent you acquire when you know yourself and your relationship. When you over do something, then it invites problems. So always learn your own limitations and your strengths.

Observe the pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. They all look alike but they don’t fit everywhere. We humans are also just like these pieces. We think we can fit in wherever we want but we can’t do that unless we lose our identity, personality, values and sometimes even integrity. What is the cost we are willing to pay to “fit in”? Have we given a thought and made our kids realise that yielding to peer pressure and focusing on “fitting in” doesn’t make us the individual we are or we want to be. It only makes us the person what we imagine pleases our social circle. Every time we try to “fit in” we modify that piece of puzzle and slowly the piece loses its actual identity and fits nowhere.

Embrace adjustment.
Acknowledge fitting in.
Embrace individuality.
Acknowledge identity.

Every individual has an identity, and we have to learn to identify and respect that identity. Ability to identify where to fit in and when to adjust teaches us to lead life in a way which embraces challenges and acknowledge opportunities. Life is always a puzzle, but it is left to us if we want to convert it to jigsaw puzzle and try fitting in every piece or look at it like a riddle and solve it with all the hidden clues without altering the essence of life.