My Life – My Rules

We all believe our life is ours, but we forget to come to terms when someone else says this out loud. In our journey of life everyone has had this feeling: “My Life-My Rules” but still we feel it is more of an association with stubbornness, arrogance, selfishness and at times resilience too. My life can and it should have my rules, but my life should not be ONLY my rules. When we focus more on “My Rules” only then the natural tendency of human nature of being a social being vanishes into the mist and we won’t be able to see “My Life”. Since my life is not only mine, my rules are also not only mine always. How do we maintain this balance between the three juggling balls of life, rules and love: my third component which we always forget when setting “My Rules in My Life”.

I had a mathematics professor who always started his class by saying, “remember the following”. Even after so many years I can always remember that statement of his. Rules are just like this. When we start with statements like: “follow the rules”, “listen to me”, “do not do that”, our span of attention is limited until the end of these statements and never to the next part which follows this. This happens when others tell us the rules but how about the rules we set for our life? Do we follow them? The answer to this question is not a straightforward yes or no because even our rules at times are set for others to follow 😀. Recently I was telling my daughter we have our heart and brain which is the tangible organs of our body but what connects these two and forms is our mind which in real world has no form and shape to describe. Similarly, is the case with life. Life and mind though are the most important concepts of existence, they both don’t have a particular way of representation. We cannot draw and say this is how life looks like. An artist can picture life based on how his mind thinks at that moment. Then how can you set rules to such a thing whose existence has no certainty at all? We develop our life with value and gratitude. This gives our mind the direction which can take life towards love and peace.

Rules lead to Restrictions
Values lead to Discipline
Restrictions distances Relationships
Discipline values Relationships

My mother has been suffering from back pain for many decades. With age the problem has just been getting worse. Every time she does something, her pain increases. I tell her “Why don’t you listen to me”. She takes rest for few days and after some time she forgets and then the cycle repeats. Me and my dad always tell her not to do certain things which is more like setting rules. Knowingly or unknowingly she always forgets them and breaks the rules. We again start with: “you never listen”. She always tells me if I am unable to do even small things in life what is the point of living. This is her way of saying why can’t I have my rules in my life. When we set rules for her, indirectly we are doing that to ensure our life is also not disrupted of the routine. Here My Rules are set for My Life but expectation is for someone else to follow that so my life can be the way I want. Where is the entry of love here? It is there but hidden behind rules.

Setting rules in our own life is not as easy as saying “do not park your car in front of the gate”. It is only when we want to set rules, we realise our life can never be only “My life”. Our lives are part of every single person who is in our life. This is where my third component comes into picture: LOVE.  When there is love, rules always have a lovely justification for why it was not followed. This is beyond any logical explanation and our mind has no way of denying it nor passing a judgement against it. In the court of love, relationship always wins.

When parents grow old, we fail to realise the difference between love and rule. If they have high blood pressure, we say reduce salt, if they have diabetes, we say no more sweets. Then we go on with all healthy lifestyle options, go for walk, go to park, keep yourself engaged etc. According to kids, this is love because they fear loss, pain of any physical damage to their parents in old age. But for parents it cannot always reach as love. It can reach as “Rules and Restrictions”. They start feeling less valued not because of lack of love but because of the way of expression of that love. This is when they feel helpless because someone else is setting rules in their life. My Life – My Rules clashes with My Life – Someone else’s Rules.  Here our mind opens the court of love where every argument is made for “my life” but against “my love”. How long can the will to love and to live survive when rules start overshadowing values and gratitude?

I can rule my life when there is love and I can love my life only when there are no rules. We always say “they don’t listen” but have you very often heard anyone saying “they don’t feel”? Love is felt and rules are heard. Make your life filled with love because we are not here to only follow rules and become lonely. We are always accompanied by family and friends who teach us to value each other and return that with grace and gratitude to have a discipline which cherishes My Life, Your Life which then becomes “Our Life – Our Love”.

We always want My Life – My Rules but expect others to listen and follow our rules in their life. Instead, if we set values in our life then we don’t have to complain about others not listening to us. Our values will always show us the path to reach hearts when needed. I  always ask my mother why does she go beyond and help others which most of the time, I don’t feel it is valued the way it should be and she only says you do what is right rest is not your responsibility. This is the value she taught me which sets life beyond setting rules and restricting the flow of love leading to results and judgements.

Be open to love and life can show wonders. My rules can never define my life because my love was always meant to be for Our Life beyond My Rules.

Step up to set values
Step up to see life
Step up to show gratitude
Step up to spread love
Our Life – Our Values – Our Love – No My Rules.