Bouncing Bubble

One of the most fascinating view as a kid was watching those soapy bubbles blown into air in Mysore Dasara Exhibition. No matter how much we try to recreate that liquid at home, it never matches to what we see there. One blow and there are so many bubbles with various size, color, shape and move everywhere before they burst. We all have those bubbles in our lives which we love to be in. We make that world for ourselves and want to believe it is the reality whereas the world outside that bubble is actually what dictates the existence of this bubble. The one what I saw in fairs used to burst but what we create keeps bouncing back and forth based on how we treat that bubble. It exists as long as we allow it to be and becomes a bouncing bubble which is a world within a world.

I like to believe my relationships are what I make but that is only 50% of the truth. Every individual has his contribution in each and every aspect of life. When we become a parent there is a strongest bubble formed where we start believing there is only good and best things for the baby. Most of us as parents forget to analyse anything happening to our kids and will never want to believe when something unpleasant is being told about our kids. The bubble in which we want to live our entire life is very optimistic and unreal. When things are unreal and optimistic it can be as beautiful as our imagination runs. So, no matter how thoughtful we are, this is one bubble which bounces back with full swing every time when someone comes to attack it to burst. Within this bubble only I am allowed to think or say anything which can be negative or unpleasant. My mother sometimes tells me: “your daddy will never understand what I am saying”. Some other day if I start a conversation with, ”daddy won’t understand” even before I finish the sentence there will be a big NO ready to spurt out and defend the person. Here my mother has 2 bubbles: one with me in it and one with her husband which has a small tangent where he becomes a father. She will always want these two to be attached and never split. In order to do that she can become one of the best advocate and a judge at the same time. The moment she lets go the bubble, she can see the reality of these two relationships and their individuality. But that visualization inside the bubble is so beautiful and satisfying that we never want to come out of it. How healthy is it for an individual to lead a life of virtual reality which denies us the ability to see the reality and develop that to best of our capacity and make it as beautiful as our imagination makes that bouncing bubble?

When my daughter was 6yrs old, we went on an international family holiday which she thoroughly enjoyed. Some of her asks during the trip and its planning were denied stating: “it is expensive and mamma-daa don’t have so much money to spend on that which is not worth the cost”. The explanation was given to her to make her understand the value of money. At that age while she is still learning numbers, even 100/- is a huge amount. Eventually she learnt to read price tags and decide if she wants something worth the amount she is willing to spend. One aspect of what we as parents want to achieve has been accomplished. What we did not realise is when we stayed in our happy family bubble, our daughter stepped out of this into the real world. What happened there was totally out of my imagination.

One day we get a call from her school by her principal. She was only 6, so a call was a bit scary and as any other parent my first thought was her health. She was absolutely fine but the principal asked us to come and meet her. Remember our bubble about our daughter is very strong, beautiful, colorful, positive and only good things within. The principal started her conversation and moved on to say, “some other kid in the class went home and cried to her mother saying they are poor and don’t have enough money. This thought came to her because your daughter told her so. Your international trips have made Jagrati believe when others can’t/don’t go they are financially incapable. The girl who cried was staying with her mother while her father was working abroad.” We as parents were in shock and as any normal reaction, the first thought was denial. My mind started speaking to myself: “there is no chance, my daughter can do something like this. The teacher might have misjudged the conversation. My daughter, My daughter….” and this possessiveness of MY went to battle with each and every word told to me. We both told the principal it is strange and hard to believe but we will talk to Jagrati. We had a very high and respectful position in our hearts for her principal because she loved all her children much more than parents themselves. I say more than parents because she sees what exists to make them better and doesn’t imagine a bubble to feel the beauty. She beautifies the reality and prepares them for life and not build a world and try to make it look like reality which we parents fail to do.

On the way back home me and my husband spoke about what ma’am told about our daughter which was unacceptable if something like that did happen. We decided to talk to Jagrati and understand what was her intent. Asking a 6yr old about some random conversation in class with her friend seems to be vein effort but still we wanted to understand what made that young mind differentiate someone based on their financial status. In our conversation we realized it was not what it looked like. We as parents had a focus on one aspect – value for money and so told her if we can’t buy something it is because we cant afford it. She as a child learning all new vocabulary expressed the same to her friend and told because your parents don’t have money, they are not buying this for you. What we missed was to explain if someone is not living a life similar to ours, it is because they are different and each one is unique. If I have a pencil which my friend doesn’t have, then it is not because they are poor and they can’t buy. It can have many reasons like they did not find it in the shop, they go to different shops, they did not like it, they don’t want it etc. Her principal’s intent was to help her student become a better person in life and accepting or negating her suggestion as parents makes all the difference. Inside the bubble we feel everyone is our enemy because we make it feel so beautiful that even a small dot gets magnified. Trusting people outside the bubble and analysing the fact of the truth helps us see what otherwise goes unnoticed.

Our trust in her principal that not just we as parents wish for our daughter’s best but her teacher too has the same thought for her made us look through the bubble and focus on what was our take on what we told and how did a tiny mind perceive the same.

Learning at each step is life.
Failing to see our mistakes happens in life.
Forgetting to learn from those mistakes messes our life.

My 12yr old nephew told my daughter that he has seen a series in Netflix which is not appropriate for his age. I hesitantly called my sister. My intention was only concern but still I had to give it a lot of thought because I have no clue if I will be welcomed to show my sister a view outside her bubble. Though my conversation started with hesitation but her trust in me and my intention not only built a stronger bond between us but also made me feel loved as an aunt.

In this world of nuclear family, belief that our extended family is our well wishers becomes a boon to our life. Trust that not only parents want the best for their kids but there are people around who do wish for the same is a rare sight.

Every concern shared is viewed with blurred vision from inside the bubble.
Every act of love is not only taken with a pinch of salt but it is cooked with all spices which fails to bring out its taste.
Every thought of help is churned so much in our mind that it eventually loses its value of existence.

Bubbles are good to play with and the joy is in seeing them fly high and eventually when it bursts that is when there is space for new ones to form. When we start believing the life within the bubble is the reality, that is when it keeps bouncing around and makes us miss the actual reality Vs virtual reality.

Belief can do wonders, so choose it wisely. If you believe in the bubble, it keeps bouncing with no way to go and if you believe to see beyond the bubble it will ensure you build a world which your imagination wants to build within the bubble.

 Bubble will burst when it bounces but belief can help you stay stable with all the bouncing bubble around you. See beyond to make life beautiful and see within to feel that beautiful life you make for yourself.