Abundance to Excess

Once upon a time there lived a king…. This used to be how the stories began in my childhood. Our kids are not interested in such stories because the options are many. My grandparents and parents grew up in an environment where they lived by satisfying their needs. As time evolved, we stepped into a world where our childhood and adulthood enjoyed the abundance of needs and satisfying the wants. As we became parents, our children never learnt the difference between needs and wants. We enjoyed our abundance and exposed our kids to excess. Have we thought where is this journey from abundance to excess leading us?

In the year 1995, my dad was posted in Goa. This was the year when we first visited a store “Pick & Move” for our monthly grocery shopping. Until then my mom used to make a list of what is needed by the end of the month and during the first week of next month, that list was used to refill the groceries for the whole month. Shopping used to be over the counter. Give the list to shopkeeper and he will bring everything, put a tick mark against each item, calculate the bill, pack the items and we are done for the month. When we started going to pick & move, we started buying not only what is needed but also what we want. Slowly our lifestyle started taking a leap towards abundance. The liberty to do window shopping made us get rid of the habit of making list of what is needed and we evolved to a lifestyle where now we make “wish list” and no longer ask ourselves what do we need? The only question we have for our ourselves and our kids too is “what do you want?” When needs are fulfilled unconsciously, we stop being grateful to even our wants being satisfied. This journey of moving from abundance to excess is making our society forget gratitude.

During the time when schools reopen, parents are busy ensuring there is excess of school supply so they don’t experience shortage. Instead of buying what is needed, these days schools send a list of stationery which forces parents to buy things irrespective of the need. When I went to school, I had 1 eraser, 1 sharpener, 1 ruler etc. but today my daughter has dozens of these. Initially it started as a requirement from school which later became an unconscious habit to buy things in excess. We as parents have various thoughts when we do such shopping – what if my kid loses something in school, what will she take to school next day, what if I can’t buy on the same day, what is the harm in having some extra at home etc. We never pay attention to what develops in a child’s mind when we buy excess. Kids learn more from our action and less from what we preach. Eraser is just a trivial example, it is the habit we cultivate behind this thought. Our affordability is the key to the future losing value of what they have. When we as parents make it look like a negligible act and sugar coat the same with love, the difference between want and need gets blurred for parents. When something is not clear for us, how can we show that difference and teach the value to our kids?

Me and my husband ask our daughter a couple of months in advance, what does she want for her birthday. She thinks about the question but has never come up with an answer. We as parents tend to give them everything possible within our capacity and sometimes even beyond forgetting to teach them the value of wants. Current generation is fortunate to have not only their needs fulfilled but also their wants satisfied even before they want for it. Doing this makes parents happy but also in the journey of life, kids surprise us with their demands which is beyond our imagination. When we don’t give the opportunity for our kids to develop the feeling of satisfaction for having the basic needs, they will never learn to appreciate your efforts put to fulfil their wants. Giving kids everything they want makes them stop acknowledging and appreciating what they have. Our houses are filled with excess clothes, shoes, accessories, and many other items which we forget we have. How did we end up in a land of excess from a world of abundance? Are we changing the future to a place where values are missing because we focused more on ensuring there is no lack of materialistic comfort?

When we narrate our parents’ lifestyle to our kids, it seems unrealistic to present generation. Shopping for new clothes was only during special occasions, special food was cooked for festivals or if there were guests at home, vacation was planned to spend at relatives’ house and many such realities now seems to stories. My generation moved to abundance so we can still relate to those realities. I have travelled to places during my vacation, my mom cooked varieties of dishes even if it was not a festival and shopping new clothes was on need and want basis both. Current generation plan vacation during weekends and extended weekend becomes a must to leave home. Shopping is on finger tips, so it never waits for any reason, and it has become more of a pass-time. From every house having a phone we have transitioned to a world where every individual has a mobile. We changed the world to a more comfortable place but in the process, we converted it to an island of isolation.

Abundance gave us happiness.
Excess changed that to emojis.
Abundance filled our hearts with contentment.
Excess changed contentment to emptiness.

Today we have built a world where gifts are measured by their brand and price tag because there is noting that we can think of as missing from our life. When a birthday invitation is given, it worries me because parents ensure the kids have everything they ask for so how do we choose what to gift? Kids are growing faster than their age not because they want to but because they are allowed to. As parents it is important for us to control our speed of growth so kids can learn to enjoy the beauty of life with emotions and gratitude.

Learn to enjoy what you have.
Learn to dream what you want.

Pictures in an album when viewed with family spreads happiness and build conversation. Pix in your phone only becomes a whats app forward and fills memory card. Learning the difference between need and want clears the vision to teach values to our future generation.

Help the future to be safe in a world of abundance and not to get lost in the pool of excess.