Find ‘x’ To Solve The Equation

We all associate finding “x” with algebra in school. I did my fare share of finding x and solving lot of equations and now my daughter has reached the grade where she started finding “x”. This exam she found the value of x but forgot to put that value in the equation to solve it and lost marks. She told me the question only asked to find x but did not mention to solve the equation. Here comes my perception of this in life. We do have to find x and put the value in the equation to solve it else there is a lot to lose in life too. Read further to find what x means in life and whether we are asked to solve the equation or not, we should solve so we don’t lose anything in life.

All our relationships have this special value called “x” which keeps changing in every phase of our life. Sometimes we identify x but we forget to put that in the equation, so it always remains like a question. Value of x in a parent and child relationship started with love which is very often put in the equation in the form of hugs, kisses, saying “I love you” and many more ways of expression. So, the equation is very clear in the initial years. As the child grows, value of x changes to responsibility along with love from parents and obedience, respect, love, and a bit of fear with kids. Even here the value is very well expressed, the equation is solved, and life continues. As the kids reach adolescence and move towards end of teenage, the value of x again changes. Here sometimes we forget to even find the value of x and when found we start forgetting to put the value into the equation and solve it. Now we enter the phase of unresolved equations and slowly keep piling up values of x in our relationships – unexpressed and sometimes adding either an incorrect value or a negative sign to the same value. The result leading to a wrong equation and ultimately wrong result complicating relationships and changing their emotional meaning.

All relationships in our life have a specific value of x and some of us know that but we hesitate to express that with the right person. I love my mother and since we both are very close to each other, we express that love in many forms in our day-to-day interactions, sometimes say it explicitly and so it is very clear. This equation has its perfect value. Whereas my father and I know the value of x in our relationship but never express it to each other. On a regular basis, the only thing I say to him when I visit them is: “Bye daddy” when I leave. I know what I feel for him – my value of x. He knows what he feels for me – his value of x. But both of us don’t know each other’s values 😊 We keep guessing. If I do what he likes, I think today his value of x for me will be of pride. If he is angry my value will be of fear. If he is sick, it will change to concern, care, love, pain and his value towards me at those instances might be of stress, proud, affection. But all these are possibilities. Both of us are still holding unresolved equations because we hesitate to put that value of x into the equation of life and solve. Solving equation requires communication, courage, patience, empathy, and respect. It is easy to leave it as it is and assume things. So we chose the easy way. In my case, my mother plays her role to solve this equation because she feels it is important to understand each other’s values of x to have a healthy relationship. She solves our equation for us, so though not directly, indirectly we do have a partial resolution. Many of us lack even that and we end up complicating our relationships thinking can’t they see, can’t they understand and so many “can’t they” in our thoughts.

Consider the new relationships which are formed in our life after marriage. These start after you know who you are, how you become what you are, having an identity, individuality and so on. They are unlike your other relationships like parents, grandparents, siblings which grew along with you without your knowledge. The new ones are called family “in law”.  How is x defined here? It is a slightly tricky equation to solve. Expectation here is not to find your value of x but to find someone else’s value of x, put it to another person’s equation and solve your equation. For example: If your mother-in-law says: “my son has changed after marrying you”, you end up fighting with your husband not knowing what changed and how you are responsible for their relationship. Why complicate so much? Mother-in-law’s value of x for her son changed so the equation is between mother and son, its important to keep law out of love here.

Just like math, life can also be easy. We should speak to each other. This might sound funny because we talk a lot to everybody. But do we express ourselves with each other? When a mother thinks her son has changed after marriage, she should share that with her son in a way which will enable both of them to maintain what they had leaving space for the new life to cherish. How will a newly wed know what was the dynamics of the house before she entered that place and their lives? What is she supposed to mend if she has no idea of what is broken?

Our values are personal to our experiences and so is our equations also. Take courage to identify and express with the right person to make life simple. I cannot recreate your emotions in my face, tone or mind. That is done only by mimicry artists and they do that for stage shows of famous actors. We are living life with our loved ones who only need our hugs and kisses when happy, shoulder to cry when sad and a pat on the back for encouragement. Express yourself to solve the equation. Life is beautiful when you don’t hire a mimicry artist who forgets to convey your value of x into that unsolved equation.

Every value of x in an equation between two people is unique and understood only by them. When expressed, we can relate to that but it can be solved if only the right people put that value in the right place at the right time. Don’t authorize others to solve your equation.

Your life is what you have made it.
It gets the value what you give.
Your relationships are what you built.
It gets the value what you add.

Solve your equation with your unique value which only you have and only you can add.
Your life is precious and so are your relationships. Value it just like you value your life.