I Don’t Know  – IDK

How well versed are you with social media acronyms? LOL, ROFL, IDK, IKR etc. Recently when my friend messaged me IDK, even to understand “I don’t know”, I had to think for a while. This might be the most used statement. Anything I ask my daughter, the first response is either “I don’t Know” or “Nothing”. I  choose to write something about “I don’t know” because it is something which can revive, resolve and reinvent a lot in life if we choose not to say, “I don’t know”.

When I was 12, my aunt once asked my mother: “what does she know to cook?” I was quite upset with that thought. Not because I did not know anything to cook but because she asked that with my mother because I was a girl. No one asks that question for a son. That is our society. A girl when becomes a wife, daughter-in-law and mother, she is not allowed to say “I don’t know”. She is expected to know everything. No wonder we get the complex of being SUPER-WOMAN.

There is a first time for everything but, is there a first time for everyone? When I got married, I had no experience of managing a house but I had no choice to say “I don’t know”. Even though it was the same with my husband, not only he but his family and the entire society was allowed to say “he doesn’t know”. One day my husband bought some groceries home and since we lived in the same locality as my in-laws do, my mother-in-law got to know that her son went shopping for his house for the first time. Next morning I get a call asking: do you want anything for your house? The call was out of concern but it ended by saying next time you want anything let me know and I shall get that. Don’t ask my son because he doesn’t know to buy such things. I thought a lot about what my mother-in-law told me. Buying things for our own house was equally new to both of us but when I go shopping no one comes to my rescue saying: I don’t know, rather on the other hand everyone will guide me and say you should learn how to do things for your family. So why do we deny the joy of learning from a man? Nothing changed between us though. He still bought what was needed and he learnt what was required. We still do have conversation where we both ask: Why did you buy this? What is the need for this? How expensive is this? Why can’t you check before buying? etc. But these are mutual comments which builds conversation. We answer these questions being Tone Deaf. There is no pre-judgement which leads to argument or a fight. But if we followed the path of “I don’t know” this conversation would have never arose because then it becomes sole responsibility leading to a lonely life.

When the next phase of our life started where we became parents, I don’t know played a pivotal role. I don’t know how to carry a baby, how to change diaper, how to feed the kid, how to give bath, how to change clothes, how to put her to sleep etc. The list of I don’t know is endless because this is the first time we are experiencing everything. Every time when my husband told me I don’t know, I also told the same to him. But I was learning and told him, if I can learn why can’t you? Initially there was a response which we all are familiar with: you are a mother and it comes naturally to you. Gradually he realized, no, it doesn’t come naturally, it requires effort and if my wife can make that effort, I too can. I am blessed to have a husband who accepted this fact and stopped telling I don’t know but took the first step towards “I will learn (IWL)”.

Life is a journey with continuous learning. The moment we stop learning is when we feel the stagnancy of still water. In school if we say, I don’t know, either we will lose marks or be punished from the teacher. So why develop that attitude in life? When we say “I don’t know” it doesn’t elevate our status. We see in shows where people do say “I don’t know my regional language” or “I don’t know to do this” and so on. None of this adds positive value to their presence. When a cookery show can be run by a man, then why can’t a son be taught to cook just like how we intend to teach our daughters? We never question the capacity of a man when he joins a job. But when a woman is working there is always a doubt which makes us think: can she manage? If men in her life stop saying “I don’t know” then women don’t have to think of balancing their life in all fronts. I don’t know makes us to pick one in a lot but I will learn will help us have everything without getting into a situation to choose only one.

Let us all learn to say “I will learn” and rethink about saying “I don’t know”. Avenues to learn are many but the attitude to choose is what makes the difference. We learn a lot in every step of our life, some knowingly and many unknowingly. “I don’t know” is something we learnt to say unknowingly. So now its time to say “I will learn-IWL” with a conscious mind.

Unlearn what you have learnt and relearn what you have chosen to ignore.
Choose not to say “I don’t Know”
Choose not to miss the opportunity to learn.

Take your first step towards a better beginning with “I WILL LEARN”….