FoLost

Folost is a combination of 2 words – “forgot” and “lost”. This was introduced to us by my daughter when she was 3years old. Every time she misplaced a toy or anything at home, her only response was: “Folost”. It meant she forgot where she kept and now its lost. In our life we have folost so many things that even if we find what is lost, we have forgotten how to use it and what to do with it.

Our current generation cannot imagine lives without internet and smart phones. My generation which I call the sandwich generation is trying not to forget from where we started and be lost in the present but at the same time is trying to juggle the battle to being accepted in the trending lifestyle. I have heard a lot from my father that they walked miles everyday to go to school. But my daughter doesn’t get to listen to such stories. We know so much about how our parents’ lives because they had the time to share it with us and we as kids had interest, patience and at times even fear to listen to them. Our kids would never know how we went to school because that activity has no significance at all, either there is a school bus or a private transport or one of the parent will drop them. The journey of reaching school is so easy that we folost the significance of education.

The pleasure of growing up with grandparents is something which I have never experienced. But I did have great grandmothers whose memories are still there which does not relate to any of the memories my daughter is right now cherishing being with her grandparents.  So what we had is slowly being folost because our grandparents were very old, not up to date with technology, having lived a life where there were no smart phones or rather some houses did not even have a land line. It feels like now we have come to a different planet. Don’t let technology dictate your relationships. We see around us a 2year old can operate a smart phone where as a 60yr old can hardly make a call. Grandparents very proudly say that my grandchild is so smart that she opens you tube on her own and plays rhymes she wants. The same grandchild might start forgetting the bond she is supposed to build with them because as she grows closer towards technology, her grandparents grow closer to old age. They can’t be up to date with all the social media jargons, hashtags, trending videos etc. Technology overpowers love and we are folost (forgotten and lost) in our own world.

I call our generation as lucky because we have our parents reciprocating to our needs even now. My parents moved closer to where I stay after my dad’s retirement so they can be of help to me and have a home for my daughter instead of day care while I am at work. There are many such houses where parents have moved in with their kids to be a support system for their kids’ growth in their life and career. But have we ever thought about our parents? Do their generation also feel as blessed as we do to be around their busy kids and still take responsibility at that age where they should be reliving their life to enjoy every bit in their own terms and conditions?

My father picks up my daughter from school because he enjoys doing that in his retired life and she is like a sparkle in their life. My mother loves having that routine of her granddaughter coming home from school, preparing snacks for her, talking to her about her school. This became our routine and we as parents were care free about our daughter and forgot because of this routine, though it is their retired life, they can’t plan for themselves without disturbing us. A pleasure can also sometimes become a burden if we forget the difference between love and responsibility. As parents our daughter is our responsibility and as their daughter it is my love towards my parents which I should show by assuring and ensuring they can plan anything, anytime and that wont be a trouble for me so they don’t get lost in my daughter’s responsibility.

When we become parents, we forget we are still kid to our parents. If I tell my mother, “you used a wrong emoji”, she will accept that because we both were introduced to that language at the same time. I learnt it a bit faster than her may be because it was my age to learn. But if I say why did you talk your neighbor like that, she will say “I taught you to talk and now you want to teach me is it?” In present day, our generation has folost the sanctity of relationships. We tend to intrude into our parents’ life so much thinking it is our responsibility to take care of them in their old age, we forget it is the love they are looking for and not tutoring. We are what we are because of what they were to us. Our responsibility should be towards our children just like how our parents feel they are responsible for us. Love is a bond which should always flow in both direction but when we think parents are our responsibility, we are folost in our own life.

Parents told us to do the right thing so now we can be rest assured they know what right means. We don’t have to tell them what to do and what not to. We can be with them to ensure they feel loved by their family. As parents we know how it feels being responsible to our kids, so our parents know this better than we do. Loving your parents is not a responsibility, it is the least we can do for everything they have done for us. Don’t forget the love you received and get lost in the whirlpool of responsibilities you create for yourself.
               Love lets you lose nothing
               Love lets you do everything
               Love lets you forget nothing
               Love lets you get everything.
Don’t forget what they did for you but don’t do anything to them just because they did everything to you. This relationship is not meant to be give and take which can be measured. It is a give and take which is emotionally felt in every moment we live. Don’t be lost in planning on doing something for your parents. They don’t need a guide in their old age, they need a guard to which they can lean towards when they like. Be polite to them because they have not forgotten your tantrum as a kid and nor you have lost the habit of throwing tantrums even now.  When they can smile at those memories, we too can make effort to build new memories for us to smile at when we reach their phase of life.

When a thing is folost, we move on.
When a relationship is folost we go nowhere.
Don’t be folost in your relationships. Treasure them when they are with you.
               Not everything/everyone gets a second chance.