Childhood of Old age

Hope is nurtured in the womb and loved as we see it grow. We cherish the development as there is significant change every week, month and finally when the baby is born, the change starts showering joy in life. A cry, smile, touch, sound, everything is keenly observed and captured in the memory so deeply that it always lights up our face. Childhood is a phase of life where we learn to value adulthood and respect old age. I have read and heard people saying you become a child when you grow old. Then why is old age not as pleasant as childhood?

We grow from hope to love and then to trust and respect. This is our journey. But when we reach old age we are left with no hope, love replaced by responsibility, trust and respect swap their places with care and concern. Each emotion has its role to play in that age but they should come as addition and not replacements. Look at life like a game of Jenga. At first, there is a tall tower, strong and ready to face everything. As life moves on, different phases strike the tower. There is displacement of blocks, one by one and one day, one displacement shatters the whole arrangement.

When our life changes with an entry of a new life, our baby, everything looks beautiful. We put every effort to feed, give bath, potty train, walk, sleep and the list is endless. Try the same list with your aged elders whom you may have to take care. The thought is disturbing. Its not because we don’t love them but it is because we think only small kids need to be taken care of, taught every basic thing in life. The thought of elders knowing everything makes us doubt their needs. The life you lead for a certain length becomes your identity. Unpleasant and unexpected changes which comes with age is difficult to embrace when you feel the future becomes a burden to someone you love and not a bundle of joy. Once a kid is taught all the basic activities of living, they become independent. With age comes dependency but we look at it like a task or duty and not as love because here there is no hope of becoming independent again. We fail to map the journey which started with hope in the womb to the ending which should lead to satisfaction and contentment.

We give everything a kid wants and most of the time it is more than what he needs. But will our mind support the same when we do that for our old aged elders? Not always. We start reasoning and justifying our actions. Hope brings joy but love brings peace. Respect and obedience are not the only elements which a relationship asks as it reaches its dusk. It still wants to see the love and hope in every eye as those old eyes once had.

We are never tired training our kids, teaching them to do the right thing, correcting their mistakes but as role reverses, we are clueless. We are only learning how to be parents, but we are never taught how to be care takers with love, hope, respect and trust. Our mind is ready to accept that kids can be naughty and mischievous but we fail to understand that as we grow old our brain can also work mischievously which is beyond our control. We can’t train our elders, we can’t teach them what is right, we can’t correct their mistakes, then how did old age become a child’s life?

Talk to a mother who is taking care of a new born all day long and talk to a daughter taking care of her aged mother all day long. There might be lot of similarities in the task they do, but there is lot of difference in their emotions. A mother is free to mold her child but a daughter has to force herself to be molded into her mother’s life. The difference is in our thinking. If you can unconditionally love your kid, try to unconditionally love your elders also. Kids may or may not know the value of what they are getting unless you make them understand but your elders will definitely know the value of what they are getting.

Childhood is a carefree phase of life where everything is taken care of by someone else and so should old age be. The care what we get as a child makes us what we are and gives us an identity as an adult. When a kid stumbles while he learns to walk, he never stops. My daughter always wanted to walk without holding my hand. There is a sense of accomplishment in that young mind and as her mother, when I see danger, I run to protect her. Later in life, we reach an age where we again start to stumble while we walk, we look for a hand to hold or else we are forced to stop. At that age finding a hand to hold gives a sense of accomplishment that I have earned the love which I gave in my life. There is security in that danger. Understanding the difference and reciprocating to the need at two extreme stages of life is what makes us human. In our current generation, we have lot of parenting videos, blogs, books etc., but our journey is not only to learn to become a good parent. Our responsibility also lies in becoming a good child.

The fear of growing old is equally painful as the fear of losing hope. Our ability to lend a helping hand to our kids is taught by our elders. Show them what they taught us and be there for their needs with love and give them the hope which is lost in twilight.

There comes a time when the sky looks similar be it dawn or dusk. Difference pitches within fraction of seconds. That fraction is where we have to bring in the childhood into old age. Our elders ask for just a fraction of our time from the whole life which we owe to them. Make that fraction count as they bless with a smile😊