Can You Say Thank You?

My title would make you wonder what am I asking? Certainly, everyone knows to say thank you. We are taught from a very young age when someone gives us a chocolate or a gift or wishes you on your birthday or for an exam or interview, we should say “thank you”. We all are very good learners, so we learnt this and without any hesitation we say “thank you” to each and every person. Especially if you are part of multiple WhatsApp groups, you end up saying thank you to even those far relatives whom we have not met and don’t even know how they are related. So what is so special about saying “Thank You”? What is the new perspective I want to share today?

My initial note of thank you is a simple expression of acceptance. Every concept always has a flip side just like a coin. We can only see what is facing towards us and the hidden side is believed to be nonexistent. Try this activity with your near and dear ones. Compliment your parents, spouse, child, friend, domestic help, teacher, colleague etc., and see their response. Do you receive a “Thank you” or will that initiate a story associated to compliment your compliment or will they become uncomfortable/surprised/ignore thinking there is some hidden agenda behind this compliment? Say to your mother the food she cooked today was delicious. She might say: “hmmm”, or “how come suddenly you are saying this today?” or “I cook the same way every time. What was different today?” or sometimes she might even say “maybe you are too hungry, so you liked it”. Say to your spouse “you look nice in that outfit.” If you are newly married, then there might be a pleasant silence and a smile or blush and if married for long, the situation becomes different. You may say, “don’t I look good in other outfit?”  or “is it because I agreed to come with you to meet your friends/family you are saying this” or sometimes it might end up by saying “I know.” Thank you is rarely an option in our day-to-day life.

My mom and all her sisters are very good cooks. So if we have a dinner or lunch with guests at home they love to cook so many variety that all the space on the dinning table is filled with delicacies. When guests compliment on how tasty the food is, the quality, the variety, the immediate response is never “Thank you”. It will be a smile or “it was not at all a trouble” or “I wanted to do more but there was not much time” and if ever it starts with a Thank you, there will still be a continuation to the story. We are so not used to listening to positive feedback and compliments that we don’t know how to respond. When in a party someone says nice sari, we forget the simple response to that is a “thank you. We say “it is an old one” or “it is not an expensive one” or “I bought it from this shop” etc.

I had a conversation with my mother recently and asked her when we help our close relatives and they express their gratitude why do we end up saying “don’t say thank you”. Yes, I agree it is our love towards them because of which we do things that they need and they ask but over a period of time we forget to express gratitude and when things are taken for granted we start missing that expression.

Thank you is a way of expressing gratitude. But in today’s fast life we find time to like a picture or a post in Facebook, Instagram because it gives us options in the form of emoji that our emotions have started to find a hiding place in our heart. Acceptance of gratitude triggers hesitation and so a “thank you” always comes with a comma(,) and not a full stop(.). When we say thank you to our parents they feel awkward and look at us like we should only thank outsiders. They might also end up saying “oh! Now that you became independent, you started thanking your own father”. Deep down they do like the gratitude because that shows how much they are valued. We are so tuned to the way we live that we think what parents do to us is their duty and when they do that there is no need to thank them. Just like how a compliment makes us uncomfortable. Even a thank you also can make us uncomfortable.

Humans evolved from having a tail to just having a tail bone. Similarly showing gratitude and sharing compliments evolved from expressing emotions to just being an emoji. Just like how a tail in present days would look strange, uncomfortable, and useless, we are pushing ourselves to become emotionless, lacking gratitude and expression. Having a tail bone without a tail does make us look better but having only emoji without emotions will never make us feel better. People say, we must unlearn what we already know inorder to learn something new. But now is the time where we upgrade apps without uninstalling the existing version. So, upgrade yourself to express your gratitude with feelings and emotions and don’t hesitate to accept the same with open arms and a heart-felt “Thank-You”.

Make yourself comfortable for a compliment.
Make your acknowledgement comfort the compliment.

A day spent with gratitude compliments your existence but when the gratitude is expressed with emotions your life becomes a compliment.