Living Life

Mystery of living and history of life both are well expressed by everyone. When do you start your journey of life? Is it when you start earning or is it when you know what life is or is it when you enter into married life or is it when you find time to live your dreams? The options and questions are endless. That is because we always hear statements like “I want to live my life the way I want when I start earning”, “I will live my life when I become independent”, “I will live my life after I deliver all my responsibilities”. All through these thoughts, we forget we are living life and still thinking of planning when to start living.

Life starts the day we are born and we are always dependent in one or the other way to someone or something. Our lives are filled with responsibility whether we enjoy it or think it as a burden. Responsibility is not confined to adults. Kids are expected to be responsible, may be in their own way like being obedient, finishing homework, studying, playing safely, etc. These are minor for adults because as we grow responsibility is weighed against money. What we learn as kids actually becomes part of our personality and what gets added is only noticed.

Childhood is the life of a child. Treating the kid with love, respecting their choices, allowing them to take decisions is what a parent or an adult can do. As parents we forget a child is an individual. We always think child is our responsibility and we are with the kid to protect them and ensure they have a safe and happy life. But that is not what we are for in their life. A child is also living its life which an adult forgets. Some point in life we would have heard our parents or elders saying this: “what do you know about life?” or “You can do what you want when you start living on your own” and many such similar statements. But have you ever thought even though you are saying this to your kid, kid’s life and your life are two different lives. So everyone is living life.

I am irritated because my boss was not happy with my work. My child is upset because his teacher did not appreciate his project work. Both these scenarios have equal weightage because they occurred in two different lives. Negating the pain of a kid is not justified only because you as an adult don’t feel the intensity. Similarly, kid also may not understand your pain and ignores any change going around. But the stress in the environment of the house will tell him that something is wrong. If he doesn’t realize and continues his fun behavior or starts crying for what happened in school, parents might end up scolding when they lose patience and say, “what’s the big deal if teacher scolds. All that is part of life. When you grow up, you will realize what life is and what real problems are”. When we say this or even think the pain of a kid is trivial compared to ours, does that mean life only starts when we are adults? Then why is it called life of a child?

Stress, pressure, pain, anger all these are not age specific emotions. Every individual experiences them based on what comes and goes in their life and how they accept, reject, react or respond to situations. Treating your kid as an individual and not just your possession helps them build their self image and self esteem. I heard someone saying, parenting is not a popularity contest. It is true but parenting is also not only showing love to your kid and trying to protect them from all sorts of problem which you consider as pain from your point of view. As adults we often see different view points with different individuals. If I think working from home is fun because I get to avoid traffic, save on my commute time and can sleep a little more, my colleague who stays just 5mins from office enjoys going to office and meeting everyone. So my fun is his problem and his enjoyment might not be fun to me. When adults don’t look at life in the same way, why do we expect kids’ life to be the way we think it is. A kid has his point of view which sometimes surprises us and sometimes looks childish. Still, it is valid. There is no right or wrong in pain. If I am hurt, only I can feel the intensity. Don’t ignore what your child shares. It is important to listen and reciprocate. If we don’t teach them this at a young age, then we are not supposed to comment when they don’t reciprocate to us when we grow old. They are only showing the behavior which we taught them when we were adults. If adults think their problem is important and not the other person’s, then kids see and learn the same and become the adults we showed them as role models.

Gratitude is not just an emotion. It is a way of life. When your kid brings shoe from the shoe rack and gives you to wear while you are stepping out, say “Thank You 😊”. If your kid gets water when you cough, say “Thank You 😊”. These are gestures which encourages positive behavior. There is nothing called as a big help or a small help. Everything other person does for you irrespective of their age should be positively acknowledged. Don’t take anything or anyone in life for granted.

We don’t start living when we understand what life is.
We start living when we start valuing life. Be it ours or someone else.