Reading Glasses

At a certain age we all tend to get reading glasses which helps us see things clearly which is closer to us. Sometimes we fail to realize that what we are seeing is not how it looks like until we don’t wear the glasses to see the difference. We might know that we need glasses, but we will never visit a doctor until we experience pain or discomfort because of the problem. Relationships are similar to our vision. We think what we are seeing is correct because that is how it has been throughout the years. But every relationship will need a reading glass as it grows old to view them more clearly because as they grow old, they tend to blur the importance and are often taken for granted.

We all have a safe distance at which we read clearly. Anything brought closer than that can irritate us because we can’t see things clearly and sometimes, we go too close to somethings so we can see the details clearly. Something similar happens with relationships. We have a circle of our loved ones who are at a proximity where we are comfortable. When they get too close, it might disrupt the harmony existing in that relationship. Then there comes some of the relationships where we tend to be too close but when that continues for a long time then it gets stressful leading to unpleasant interactions and experiences. We tend to distant ourselves when things come too close to us so we can avoid the pain following the closeness. What happens when everything is going smoothly as they are meant to be with no change? This might be too hypothetical because nothing in life is constant. But when this happens, we forget that we have to make effort to keep life going. We forget love too fades away if it is not nurtured. We forget life does change its priorities from time to time. That is when we must realize that when relationships grow old, they do need some regular check-ups to bring them back to life. We all need those reading glasses in life which will help us see closer things clearly as we grow old.

As a kid my mother would say anything to me because she considered my upbringing as her primary duty and she gave her 100% to make me the person she envisioned. As an adult if I am not the person she imagined, she will not say what she wants to in the same way she did when I was a kid. There is a sense of hesitation, restriction, and boundary because of the age of the relationship. Similar experience comes with spouses and partners but here the calculation is reversed. As we start the relationship there is hesitation, restriction, and boundary but as we grow with each other all these starts to fade away. It is then, when the required amount of respect, love, gratitude, and concern vanishes, our vision starts to blur to see what is close to us leading to pain, problems and paranoia.

We all search for parenting videos, blogs and lots of means to understand how best we can take care of our kids. But when it comes to taking care of our parents, there are no such avenues expect for stories of old age homes and the pain of old aged people who yearn to have a glimpse of their kids and grandkids. While parenting, we are only taught to satisfy our kids needs but never taught to express parents’ desire. So, when children grow up they fail to realize parents are also growing along with them. Their needs are changing. They will not remain as providers for as long as we are their kids.

When my daughter forgets to submit her schoolwork, my mother tells me, “When you know she forgets, why can’t you remind her or keep a watch on it?” Then if something has to be bought for school like a graph paper, I tell my daughter to remind me to buy. We as parents ensure kids’ needs and wants are prioritized. We teach them to even remind us that they are our priority. But do we teach them the other way too? Do we ever tell our kids, “I want this, remind me to buy when we go there.” We consider everything is our responsibility so we forget to teach them that in future we can become their responsibility and just like how we took care of them with love, they too must take care of us with love. Things in need will vary but the experience will remain the same. My parents order medicine and if they forget, it is not only their responsibility, but it is mine too. When a daughter can remind her mother to buy graph paper for school, she should become capable enough to remind the same mother to buy her own medicine when she reaches the age where memory can be a gift which she loves to have in abundance. Are we preparing our younger generation to be more sensitive to other’s needs or is our parenting techniques only focusing on fulfilling our kids wants?

Our older generation used reading glasses at a much older age. In fact one of my aunt is 75+ and can still read clearly without glasses but our generation needs it much earlier and the next might end up even before we did. We fail to show them the value of relationships because maintaining them is a task which needs effort and time. We focus on making our kids’ life so comfortable that anything which involves effort seems to be unwanted and useless to them. They have started to believe in let go and move on even when life has to be experienced and expressed.

Every relationship requires its own reading glasses at some point in life. The realization comes only when we go through the pain of unable to see what is right in front of our eyes. Don’t take too long to realize what you can’t see. Every change takes time to become the new normal and so does the reading glasses too. It can be uncomfortable at the beginning but in the long run this is what which will safeguard your relationship from disappearing from your life. Don’t take too much time to realize when to wear your reading glasses so you can enjoy the beauty of what is with you when it is with you.

Love what you See and See what you Love.
Realize the necessity before it becomes a luxury.