Daddy

A Journey once started as mamma’s boy leads to a path with free entry to a life where he becomes the hero, villain, supporting actor and every other role you name it by becoming a father. Being a daughter is an advantage from my perspective because I was taught at every step how to become a daughter in law, sister, wife, and a mother etc. But when it comes to boys, the conversation is always limited within a family. Do we prepare our sons to become that responsible man who knows to dawn all the hats he is expected in life? All quotes on women’s day count all her relations and her roles but each of her role does have a masculine gender. How is it so invisible even though it is equally important? One such relationship in a man’s life is being a father.

I have two distinct personalities of fathers in my life i.e., one is my daddy – an image which perfectly defines the definition of a strict, short tempered, angry father and the second is my daughter’s daa – an image which I never imagined about a father: a friend, guide, support system and a Santa clause. There are as many versions of fathers as the personalities of men. But they are generally put into categories of few broad perspective of strict, friendly, reserved and may be some more. How did they get this tagging? Why are fathers considered to be non-expressive, overprotective role models of life?

A mother develops the bond with her child because she feels every beat within her so it might be natural but how do men develop that bonding? They are equally gifted because the relationship they have with their child is as special as with the mother. Boys are always brought up as strong individuals who don’t show their emotional vulnerability to the outside world. But when the same boy becomes a father, he is just asked to appear for a surprise test of emotional expression every moment. A subject which was optional throughout his life suddenly becomes a compulsory one. The evaluator here is not only his child but his entire world. The reason why we consider a father as the strongest pillar of his child’s life is because no matter how difficult or strange that surprise test is, he never fails to come out of it with flying colors. He has no one to copy from and no teacher to explain the scenario. He learns all by himself and becomes the best in his way of handling anything because he knows there is never a second attempt when it comes to his child’s life.

In my childhood days I have most of my father’s memory where he was either my protector or my instructor. His ways of making me independent in my life was very different and not what I liked as a young girl. When I see my daughter with her father it is a very different equation they share. The definition of father completely changed for me and my parents together seeing my husband transform as a father. The 2 fathers I see in my life are perfect in their own sense though they never learnt to be one.

When a girl idealises her father, the first man in her life, she considers that image as a perfect model of a man. Does a young boy growing to become a father realise the pressure we as a society are brewing for him? We encourage boys to hide their emotions, blend with the environment and stand out at a special event all without prior notice and explanation on how to do it gracefully. When men fail to excel in any role they play, they tend to look for ways to vent their frustration out on people who they think are less dangerous to them. Let’s change our perspective on the expectation we set for the men in our life and the society.

               A boy who fears his father
               A girl who adores her father
               A father who disciplines his son
               A father who protects his daughter
                              are all carved in the same mould but expected to look and behave differently and excel at every given instance. No scope for mistakes and no time for planning.

Daddy is that person in life who was born without prior notice given to the man within that boy.
Daddy is that person in life who is expected to be right always and never take a step back no matter he likes or not.
Daddy is that person in life who is responsible for everything whether he is responsible or not.

Protection is expected to come naturally; Emotions are expected to be hidden calmly; Guidance is expected to be given flawlessly. We put so much of pressure on that one role of our life and forget that they just delivered everything even without acknowledging what they did and expecting anything back because the boy within that father was never taught to express anything.

Let’s try to make a small change in our upbringing of our sons. Teach them to express their emotions, shower their love, show their expectation in the right way gracefully. This will help the father within that boy grow like a person who can openly reciprocate to every emotional need without hesitation and fear of being judged for the man the society expects him to be.

I am what I am because of the role my dad played in my life. We all are what we are because of the contribution of that man who is always unnoticed and rarely acknowledged which is the reason why the generation of men are only growing to become more with hidden emotions and curbed feelings.

Express your gratitude to that man who made you what you are.
 Express your love to that man who gave you what you have.
               Express your respect to that man who taught you to live a life the way you are doing.

Knowingly or unknowingly, we are responsible for the father he is and for the father he will be. Change your perception to change your perspective.