Attention to Affection

Pay Attention! reminds me of school. Every time when the class started teachers told us to pay attention so we could understand what was taught. But we paid attention only to concepts which ensured marks in exams. Over a period of time, we started following the same concept in life. We pay attention to things which benefits us. Affection is like the ABCD we learn when we start our schooling. We pay keen attention to learn small letters, block letters, cursive writing and then we forget how important it is.

Language we learn stays with us throughout our life just like how affectionately we are brought up. As we move from school to college, we choose specializations depending on our interest and also how beneficial our education is for us to have a living. Similarly in life we are introduced to various new relationships like, girlfriends, spouse, kids and the one that accompany these. Just like how we forgot the importance of ABCD as we move to our specialized field because we know the language fluently, we also forgot how important it is to pay attention to the affection we get in life.  

When a couple is married, they learn the ABCD of the relationship. Every action of the partner is keenly observed, acknowledged, and appreciated until they move on with the relationship becoming a routine. During my initial days of marriage, I had to put a lot of effort to make my new life feel like it’s my own. Even to say out loud “My Husband” it used to take effort. Nothing comes naturally. Every action had a small portion of affection in it which slowly grew into our relationship. First time when we were invited to his friend’s house for dinner, he would come and see in my eyes how comfortable I am. My eyes used to only search for him in that group and wait till he saw me. After 14years of marriage even today when we go out, he still looks into my eyes to gauge my comfort level among the same set of people who are no longer strangers to me. I also wait for that one moment when he looks at me and I can assure that I am okay, you enjoy with your friends. That is the affections which is keeping our relationship alive.

I am not a morning person. Even during my exams, I never woke up early morning to study. But with marriage, there was a huge change. I had to get up early morning to cook breakfast, pack my lunch and leave to work all before 7:00 AM. I came from a background where women in the house did all the work and men never thought they had to contribute in that area. But in my new life my husband contributed by waking up with me because, though his office was at 12:00 noon he had to drop me to my place of cab pickup to office. He did come back and sleep for a while, but that precious morning sleep was disturbed. That disturbance was always referred by him as his affection towards me. Once getting up early becomes a routine we start forgetting the affection which led to this action. The moment we start looking at action and forget the emotion behind it we have to say to ourselves “Pay Attention to Affection”.

As we grew in our relationship, we became parents. A loving and affectionate husband now became a father. It took months for me to develop the emotions of a mother towards my daughter. But I could feel the love my husband had when he held the baby. I was worried where I will lose my husband to a father. One day I asked him, will you love me the way you did before our baby? He smiled and hugged me. That assurance was not enough for me. In the next few months his every action reassured the affection towards me. I developed confidence in our relationship. We usually forget to remain Husband and Wife when we become parents. That is the main reason for us to build the vacuum which we see when kids move on with their life. My husband always remained as my husband to me. Even today when we walk on streets, he assures I walk on the side of the footpath, and he is walking next to me adjacent to the road. That is the affection he shows, and I smile when he changes sides with me which is the attention I pay to his affection. Relationships change over time, but it is our responsibility to ensure even that changed relationship still retains the meaning with which it was formed.

ABCD of a relationship starts with Affection which Builds a Bond that Continues to Develop. We usually take the bonding for granted and go on developing the relationship forgetting where it started – Affection. Most of the marriages I have seen are together because they think that it is how it should be or they are together because of society, kids, family etc. All the reasons will finally get over and you will be left with nothing if you forget to pay attention to the affection which helped you sail through so many years. Don’t forget the feeling you had when you first saw your spouse, those conversations which made you blush, those coffee dates which gave you memories. Relive those moments from time to time to keep your relationships alive.

Affection makes you feel loved.
Affection makes your life worthwhile.
Affection will definitely give you full marks in all your exams. Always pay attention to this one emotion which can change the whole syllabus of your living.