I am Strong

Strength is an overrated emotion. Who defines how strong you are? How important is it to be strong and prove to the world that you are strong? All these questions have varied answers based on your emotional state of mind when they are asked.

We always hear people saying: I am not crying, I am strong. During childhood, a mother allows her daughter to cry but everyone around us associate crying as weakness and so all boys are told: “You are strong and strong boys don’t cry or Why are you crying like a girl?” Expression of emotions has its own language. It should never be gender biased nor should your age define it, but in reality, it rarely happens. A kid can cry when he/she trips over a rock, a teenage boy cannot cry if he gets less marks than he expected in the exam, a married woman can cry when she leaves her mom’s house and come, a middle-aged man cannot cry when he loses his loved ones. Society has made its rules and boundaries for every age, every gender and every emotion. We are judged within these boundaries and anything which does not fit within it will have an explanation which at time can shatter the way we want to express ourselves.

Being a banker’s daughter, I have seen, accepted, and embraced change from a very young age in my life. Changing schools every 2 years, adjusting with whole new environment, making new friends, being accepted as one among the class, all these challenges were never easy for me and my mother. I say my mother too because she lived my life as closely as possible. My mother is the most sensitive person I have known. I don’t call her weak, she is a very strong lady. I can say this because she has the courage to accept her emotions anytime and anywhere. I became stronger with my father’s every transfer, my every new school, because she used to be with me in my every journey. She cried with me when I was hurt, she cried for me when I was upset, she showed me strength lies in expressing and not hiding. The more you hide your emotions and show to the world along with your loved ones that you are strong, you start occupying so much space of your heart to place that emotion that your heart starts to become heavier as you grow.

Imagine your heart like a housing colony with empty sites. When you hide an emotion, you build a house in that colony. Then either you pay rent when you keep visiting that memory or the house becomes haunted. Either way you lose something. But when you express your emotions, there is nothing concrete remaining within you, its more like a healthy space where you can walk around without tripping or paying anyone anything or feeling scared of reaching that haunted mansion.

My mother never stopped me from crying. She always told me put everything out, if it comes out as tears then let it go. You will feel better. Tears don’t make you weak, they make you strong. I am a very emotional person. Emotions keep us connected to people around us. Feeling someone’s pain can be painful but when you know that someone can feel your pain there is so much compassion and connection that no whats app message can convey. I can cry while watching a TV show or when I attend my daughter’s PTM where her teacher says your daughter did good this time or when my manager tells me I am performing well or even when my mother hugs me with pride. Tears come out easily. This doesn’t make me weak. But the society we live in definitely can categorize me as weak because I can cry.

Actual strength lies in understanding, accepting and expressing those innermost emotions in the right way. Our mind is like water. It flows wherever it finds a way. Make a channel to flow through the right direction. The more we hold on tight, initially it might look like strength, but you are only building a dam which some day will break the wall and burst out with the force which cannot be controlled and the damage it creates goes beyond our imagination.

Can you communicate your feelings to your loved ones without hurting them and make them understand what you feel? When you are really stressed about finishing something and your manager is right next to you and you keep getting call from home, can you pick up the phone and explain to the person on the other side that you can’t talk because you are busy, without upsetting that person with your tone? When a couple is in an argument, the kid comes overjoyed to share something which might be trivial to adults, can you respond to the kid in a calm tone and explain the situation the way kid should know and acknowledge? When you are tired doing the whole day’s work and just came to sit for a while with a cup of coffee and someone asks for something, can you relax and make them understand you are taking a break to gain that exhausted energy? All these situations show our strength.

Strength is a package. Strength is the way we choose to communicate our emotions in the way the other person can understand, reciprocate, acknowledge, and accept. You are not strong just because you don’t cry in public. You are not strong because you control your emotions. You are not strong because you are a Man. You are not strong because you are a successful entrepreneur. Strength comes in being happy with what we have and knowing we can achieve much more in future with what we have, accepting I can be vulnerable when life throws its unexpected surprises, knowing I can be weak and I too need a shoulder to cry. Strength is everything when you see it in others and strength is nothing when you feel you don’t need to display it to prove your worth.

My dad never cries, but he is not the strongest man in my life. Me and my mom are his pillars. He can be strong only when everything is fine in our lives. When we are in pain, he becomes as weak as I can imagine because we are his emotional strength. We both can be stronger than him at times of need even if we cry and break down.  Accepting being vulnerable is a gift. It teaches us values of life. At times in life when we feel we are weak are the times when we learn a lot about what we are and how can we mould ourselves for a better future.

I may not sound acceptable to many for saying this but this is my belief. Composing your weakness is strength and not hiding them. Accept the bad, cherish the good and believe in a better tomorrow. All this will help you see life from a perspective where you will find peace in strengthening your weakness and weakening your guard of strength so you can let your loved ones enter the space where you need solace from a hug and a smile.

My dad always told me: “no chain is stronger than its weakest link”. We all have the weak link in our life which keeps us grounded so even though we end up saying “I am strong” within ourselves, we know our strength is not what it is because of what we are but it is because of who we have with us.