Parallel Partner

Evolution in time changed a lot of things. One among that was human relationship. As time changed, the relationship of husband and wife has come to a stage where we call each other as partners. Another concept which has evolved with time is space and individuality. Our older generation had clear boundaries on what a husband should do and what he should not do. I am not saying anything about wife because she was supposed to do everything else which did not qualify into husband’s duties. What is strange when we listen to their stories in current times is that no one questioned any such rules. Even when it was a child marriage, the girl was expected to know and do everything to keep her family united, happy and content.

Let’s come to current generation. Now everything is questioned. We want a logical or scientific explanation for everything told to be done. The questioning can be done by daughter or son, parents will answer based on their understanding. Answers our parents received from their parents was “don’t ask questions. Do as I say”. Time changed and we started encouraging kids asking questions. May be because we have time due to help with our work like washing machine, mixer grinder, gas stove, dish washer, etc. and biggest advantage is only 1 or 2 kids. So, we have energy and patience to observe our kids, enjoy their curiosity and appreciate their thought process. My mother always tells me, “I did not know that when elders told something it could be questioned”. This is the environment we have given our kids: co-educational school and colleges, equal treatment to both son and daughter, no differentiation while fulfilling their demands, no differentiation in the food they eat or watch any TV show or any entertainment or extra-curricular activities etc. All these have given girls and boys equal sense of individuality which grows with time and becomes their personality until a girl becomes a wife and is being asked to start her journey of compromise.

Parents don’t look for partners for their kids. They look for comfort, security, and a stable life for their kid’s future. It is the responsibility of each couple to become each other’s partner. We see advertisements, various quotes, movies etc., which says husband and wife are part of each other, they lead 1 life, two body-1 soul etc., but does this happen in reality? Two individuals from varied background come together and start a life which then becomes a family. All what we have developed as individuals is expected to change. Whereas I look at this relationship from a different perspective called Parallel Partner.

I married a man who was a stranger to me. I did not know his likes or dislikes or to start with I knew nothing, and he also knew only as much as he was told about me. This information is not sufficient to deicide our compatibility (this term is something every youngster is fond of using to describe their relationship). We met each other because our parents asked us to. That was the first step we both took together in this partnership. Let’s imagine parallel lines and map this partnership as we move forward. I call this parallel because we both still have our lives in our hands. I did not give control of my life to him nor did he give me his. Also, I did not ask for that control nor did he ask me for that. Next step in that parallel line was knowing each other. I can know him (his actual self) only if he stays in his line and help me see that and vice versa. This developed respect. Initial respect developed because he did not ask me to come to his line leaving mine and start living my life on his line because I am his wife. So now I am still in my line and he is on his and still we are together. Let’s take another step. Now that I have known what he is, there will be lot of things which I like at the first glance and some I don’t like, some I don’t understand, and some might be still hidden. But since we are walking together in that parallel line, we slowly learn to accept it, understand it, ignore it and at times even try to correct it. Mutual should be the feeling with him about my life too. If he demands, then my defense mechanism wakes up and I command. This is human nature, and we can’t avoid. But the journey of demand and command can be within control when there is mutual respect and love. As we started walking on that parallel line we started falling in love. Then next phase of love usually ends up in taking each other for granted and blaming every unpleasant act on love. At that point remind yourself again about the parallel line on which you started the journey. It looks neat and clean when it is parallel because there, you are together while you respect each other’s individuality and space. The moment you forget, it becomes crisscross, and life becomes a maze. You forget where you entered, and you might also lose your way to come out of that maze you created for yourself.

My husband likes movies which are supernatural, out of space and I like to watch movies which relate to human emotions. Both seem to be two different extremes but we respect that space where we enjoy independently. Just because we are married to each other we are not forced to like each other’s choices or interests. Even after 14 years of marriage we are still 2 individuals who are free to make decisions for ourselves, our extended family and also give space to each other to choose if they want to be part of each other’s decision willingly or stand by each other’s side due to respect love and concern. We are open to talk to each other about things which we are uncomfortable keeping within ourselves. After a vacation at my mom’s house for a week, I am free to tell him that I liked staying there because I did not have to cook and I need time to adjust to my routine of my own family. He is free to say, he enjoyed a night out with his friends without family because he refreshed his memory of college days. There is no compulsion in parallel partner to enjoy every moment of life only with each other. There is no question asked “how can you enjoy without me?” and continue that conversation saying “so you don’t like me and you don’t want me” etc. Life changes when we step up on that parallel line but life doesn’t start with all past erased and all connections deleted. We are there for each other just like how others were there for that person before we entered each other’s life. Respecting the present along with nurturing the past can help us have a long peaceful and delighted walk together.

Parallel partners help you move ahead with them and still let you build a life of your own which you can share with each other. Always remember, these two parallel lines can remain parallel only if you walk together and support each other.

Partners are not always equal.
Partners are not always alike.
Partners are the ones who ensure together they enjoy the difference and balance the journey to maintain the smile in each other’s face and love for each other in their eyes.